How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
