I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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