no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wish there were birth control emojis
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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