I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
