I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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