I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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