If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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