The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We have started to decorate penises.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
