Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize