i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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