Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
