not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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