Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it's like heaven, but drunker
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
