I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
