All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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