OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
