Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
