Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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