did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
