Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize