the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
