just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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