seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
