im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
