and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
