so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize