I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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