The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
