A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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