P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
