The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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