it was like having sex with a tree stump
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize