We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
