I wannas sexs uuuuu
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
