I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
