dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize