It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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