Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
