And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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