i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
