on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize