he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
