he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
