I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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