So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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