If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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