I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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