the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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