Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
