you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They have beer where we have blood.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
