I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize