the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
