I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
