all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
