God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
