i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
