Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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