i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
