Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize