sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
