Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
