sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
