You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
