Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
