Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
