how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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