I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
