I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
