is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Never joke about your clitoris.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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