checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
