We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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