Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
