but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize