We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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