just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
