Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
