i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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