for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
