I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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