is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
