Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
