you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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