The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize