seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
