He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
