You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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