shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
