I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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