Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize