9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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