Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
