Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
