since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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