why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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