you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize