I'm gonna have a badass scar
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
