Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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